One year ago today..Forcast, Optimism!

Exactly one was year ago today I remember thinking to myself WTF next?! I was being rushed back to the cath lab for the second time with the doctors scratching their heads and me signing stupid paperwork stating it was alright for them to crack my chest open if they thought that was the right thing to do (95% chance). Yeah, I was scared and wanted the entire situation to be what it was weeks before when I was racing and chasing pr's, but that was not the case. The reality was I was really in lots of trouble and nobody really knew why at the time...especially me and my family. OK OK enough of that...been there done that, and thank God, got through that! Let's fast forward to the here and now.....1 year later and 1 year way better off than what I was at this time last year, WAY BETTER OFF!! See, for the last 20+ years I have kept a journal of all my workouts, races, notes, pr's, who I trained with, and who I raced against. These have been valuable pieces of information when it comes time for me to evaluate my year to year performance standards (I do my homework). When all this first happened I remember thinking, okay I will miss the Damit Man Tri this weekend, but try to do Socorro, if not then Austin is still a few months away....Was I ever wrong, but I was constantly readjusting in order to stay positive in my way of thinking, I need goals and data collection in my athletic life (no matter if it starts from the beginning again). When it was all said and done, I accessed what I could do at the time, set out to try to keep what fitness I had left, and try to make any gains possible...even if it meant taking little baby steps. I used the previous mentioned logs to see where I was from year to year, I would race exact races for these purposes, and for the majority I was pleased with the way my tri career had progressed. I am happy to say I have accomplished everything I set out to in this sport...and then some. My point here is that I should/could be alright with riding off into the sunset, being put out to pasture, I have nothing else to prove and I knew my day in the sun would come to an end at some point, but I am not positive that point is just yet (I prefer editing the final chapters of the book on my terms based on the data I collect myself).

For the last year I knew that there was no way I could measure up to where my fitness level was or what workout I did the prior year, it just wasn't happening (on a regular basis) and I was too scared to push it enough to make it happen. I've never been the one to take the easy road out, but even if I sit here on the couch, type, watch The British Open, and do nothing else..I am still ahead of the game at this point a year ago!!! When something big happens that could tend to tilt your world to the negative it is very important to hunt any positive way of thought available, this is it for me. At first I would say if it never gets better than this, well, I can deal with that. Two weeks later I test, it gets a little better, I say the same thing. Another few weeks pass it got better, etc. etc. In May I ran the same time in a 7.5 mile time trial as I did a year ago! The other day I swam a 100 free in a pool with no lane lines in 1 minute and 2 seconds (I took it less than 100%), my bike feels really good and I have been riding a heavier thick tired mountain bike on the majority of my rides, I am running every morning with the XC kids, and bottom line...I feel good. What a year it has been and I am extremely excited to close the books on last year, but I will carry with me forever the life lessons learned, the new friends I've made, the memory of what it has taken for me to get to this point, and the optimism of what the future has in store!

Some time ago I sat down and mapped out a plan to get back to racing again. I figured, at the time, in a year I would be able to get at it again in some capacity. This weekend was a little bitter sweet for me because I really wanted to do the Damit Man Tri. It would have been cool to pick up exactly where I left off a year ago to the date, but it just didn't happen...I probably could have have done pretty well today, but I feel I just need more time to be sure that when I get into it, I will be alright coming out the other side of it... know what I mean). I guess it's a two way street for me to collect positive data, see, if I was way far away from where I used to be then I would have been more likely to go and have fun, wave to my friends on the course, stop smell the roses, and other cliche bullshit like that, but that's just not me. When I decide to race again I want to be as competitive as possible and I do know it takes a year to a year and a half for the heart to heal on a cellular level, so I will take solace in that fact. I am happy with where I am now, I know, based on my own research, that with the right type of training I will get faster, and most positively I am responding better to the right type of training with each passing week! Two prong?? Well, I am liking the way my life is right now. We have had a really good summer, gone fishing, taken the kids to amusement parks, gone to the movies, and have some pretty kick ass friends and family that keep me pretty busy most of the time. Once again I feel very lucky to be where I am right now...racing or not....but I do miss it dearly..The way I raced was always straight from the heart and that's the reason I loved it so much. I'll put it this way, there were races where I had no business placing where I did, trying to ride away from people who were more talented, or try to run better than much more talented runners, but I made it happen. Not with my legs my lungs or my head, but rather I would do it the one way I do everything (teach, coach, write, etc.)...with my heart! Honestly I felt all the power come directly from there then I would channel it where ever it needed to go, I loved it, I tested it regularly, and it always felt sooo good in the end :) This is the sole reason I think it would be better to wait a little more longer...more testing needed ;) Not the type that the Dr's tell me me because they are all over the place with their thoughts, ie.. One says no limitations so that evening I run the exact time trial I did a year ago, then I go see another one and he says I am higher risk of of cardiac arrest what the hell?? I felt fine running fast and it turned out ok, but that crap lurks in the back of my mind.

Bottom line is I am happy to have been able to accomplish all I have in the sport, lucky enough to be a part of the Trisports.com Elite Racing Team (special thanks to them for sticking by side and providing me motivation to get better), being a part of the Power Bar Team Elite back in the late 90's, all the friends and memories I've made along the way,  the sprint finishes (win or lose), and of course all the road trips...above all the time spent in Hawaii! I couldn't begin to explain the feelings and expectations which accompany being a member of an "Elite" team... I am a blessed man for sure. Next season I think I'll opt for the Champions Trisports.com team because I love their company, what they stand for, the owners, and the people who work there..(especially the little sponsorship coordinator). I will end this post back with the reference to optimism. Optimism for me, can lay in any direction I choose to look. If it's the upcomming tennis matches against Levi, the optimism Leticia will medal in the Paraolympics (a grown man will cry), the optimism that I will race hard again, or perhaps and best of all; the optimism that just maybe I find a perfect balance and blend of all of the above.....

Here's to this coming year! Life is good!

Paraolympics....Here she comes!!! June 21, 2012

Planting the seed, this is what the Padre was talking about last Sunday. Ironically it was just earlier that day that I got word a certain little girl had made the Paraolympic swimming team. Earlier that week I had taken my mountain bike out on the roads for a little ride. Where was I going?? Who knows, I just wanted to pedal a while, listen to music and remember what it was like to feel the hot wind in my face. A short time later I was under the cover of the pecan orchard and in La Mesa. A left turn and a few miles of dirt road lead me to another seed I had planted many years ago. The seed I am referring to is the one that followed me all over Las Cruces on my long runs (on a mountain bike), went with me to Hawaii in 2001 for the Ironman (helped Peter Reid limp back to his condo...DNF) then followed me on the run via a rented mountain bike, and lived with my family for months at a time. Yeah I finally had enough courage to make it out to Jr's grave site. I stood there for a while and tried my best to remember all the time we shared together, the memories made, and just hoped that for at least a little while he knew people believed in him...I'm sure he did. I kissed his tombstone and rode back home, the long way. I took every ditch bank I could find and a feeling of peace came over me, but it's not very many days that go by when I don't miss an old friend...I mean it really made my day when I would be doing my do around LC and someone would honk or yell and it would be him...good warm feelings! Now back to last Sunday at church...yes mo fo's I go to church most Sundays, let's put it this way I go enough to know that on Saturday evening service at Newman center we can be in and out in less than 45 minutes;) So on our way, I get this text that says SHE MADE THE TEAM! I thought for a minute and then knew it was Leticia, I sat in the parking lot and texted her mom for a little while then went inside just beaming. The sermon was about planting a seed, doing the hard work, all the necessities which will yield the desired outcome, and staying dedicated to the cause. Wow, I thought, how does he do that? How does it fit so well? Dang, here's a 20 for the collection just because... Here is the deal, I figured just about 14 years ago I tried to plant this seed to help a kid by showing him there should be a better way to live and to expect more out of his life (many of my buddies helped out) but in the end I guess we are held subject to the outcome by forces of nature. It takes me a long while to get over hardships, but I like to take my time and replace them with something much better (feeling..not person wise). Yeah, you guessed it, a few days later I was reminded of another young person who took my challenge that there might just be more out there then being the class president, horseback riding, and being loved by everyone she had ever met... It's called track and field, it's called long jump, it's called swimming (competitively), and ultimately it's called a triathlon. Just like many kids before and since, she thought I was crazy, took me up on it anyway, and saw the journey through...Thank God!! My life would not be the same if she hadn't..pretty sure hers either. I look back now and laugh about how we "ghettoed" the long jump, how she would purposely leave her shoes tied loosely so they would conveniently come untied during a run, and how every time I looked back at her feet on the tandem..they were always coasting. Our ghetto long jump method to keep her on the straight path to the jump zone was to have a kid standing in the long jump pit yelling straight straight straight...the lady from the vis. imp. school came out and just shook her head, I guess there was actually a noise machine for that?? My hats off to Leticia for doing all she did, all she does, and never letting a disability (blindness) be a hindrance to her fulfillment. My hats off to those coaches who have worked with her since then, I am sure she has come a long way in the water to be ranked in the world the way she is now! Funny thing is that one of my first swims back from my own little setback I ran into my little buddy..what did I do? Hopped right in the same lane and swam with her of course. She had gotten faster, but I still needed to show her who the coach was..partly because I wanted to put her mind at ease and partly because I wanted to test it out for myself. I remember she asked me how I was doing and she was worried I wouldn't be the same. That's all it took for the payment to come back around to me.. a little girl telling me, in essence, go ahead Montoya test it out, I'm in your corner...once again...What A Journey my friends, and it's not over yet! On the home front, I am starting to hear that little voice talking again and you know whats it's saying...No, not you should jump back in head first and go 100% at the next triathlon, but rather...You know Mike, racing again at a pretty fast pace may just be in the cards?? Interesting thing about it is that racing on LOVE and racing on RAGE are opposite of the spectrum...Let's see which will yield the better outcome :) The journey not only continues, it continuously gets better, and now it has even made its way to LONDON!!

                                                           Always in my Heart Brother 
  

                                                   My little seedling and total inspiration

                                                                    It Is What It Is

My Pilgrimage to say, "Thank You" 4-08-12

Ok so it's been quite a while since I have updated the blog. To say there has been a lot that has happened since my last post would be a giant understatement! To say that I totally know which road my life will travel from this point forward would be a total shot in the dark. To sit here and write about how at ease I am that a new triathlon season is on the horizon and I am fine without knowing if I will race or not would be a total lie. I started this blog some time ago to give insight on what it takes to be a 40+ year old triathlete trying to live the dream... still... I admit I was on top of the world for the better part of 20 years in the sport and I also admit that when it came to a halt last July, I was pretty much dumbfounded with where to go from here thoughts??? I mean for years, 20 to be exact, I would show up for my teaching job, print out the years schedule and begin making my racing plans by writing in all the races I would be participating in for the year. Everything else would be fit in around the penciled in races...everything. Right or wrong that's just how it was. Imagine how I felt when this past August I showed up at work, 15 lbs under weight, yellow looking, dizzy as shit whenever I stood up too fast, and absolutely no race to plan for...ever, I thought. Yeah, if you guessed like crap, well you're right. It was then and there that I decided to go on a quest to gain back back every ounce of strength that i could, emotionally and physically. I decided not to use the pity card, not to take any time off work (even if it meant having to listen to 20 people a day ask me if I was feeling alright). The time I would take was to see my buddy Trent at cardiac rehab. The place made me feel good and honestly it felt like the only place I belonged. I did my best to make an appearance at a triathlon in September, but it was like trying to beat a square peg in a round opening, it hurt so much not being able to compete! That night I decided to try and run again, with the help of Marlene and my bro's Steven and Danny who kept the fire going on the beach and the beers on ice, Mar and I were able to make 6 miles in an hour....that night the quest took a turn for the better! I guess the point to be made here is that for the better part of the past 8 months I have been fortunate enough to reevaluate my progress on my terms based on the feedback my body tells me. The biggest point I would like to make, on a personal note, is how important it was for me to try and look for the positive in any and every aspect of this event. The one and only positive I could draw on many times was the fact that I was still here, still able to love and hold my wife and kids, still able to enjoy a cold beer, and still had the ability to help others.

For the better part of the past three and a half months I have been trying to figure out for myself just how much fitness I was able to hold onto, regain, and how my heart will respond to increased work load. Sometimes I am pleased with the way I feel and other times I am left wondering if there was damage which will never allow me to get a whole lot faster again?? At least with this approach, I feel I am relying on the one person who knows how I feel, who knows how my body is reacting to the work outs, and the recovery...ME! I am tired of going to all these different doctors who would all tell me different things. Three different cardiologists, two different blood doctors, and a few other doctors that I've lost touch with all seemed to have a different view and different advice...scary, upsetting, and demoralizing, are a few words which come to mind. As I look back I guess the one emotion usually present, anger, was mysteriously missing (for the most part) and that's the positive I can take away from this. As far as the doctors go: I have changed to a different cardiologist, a triathlete, someone who could actually relate to the way I feel. I do need to back up just a few years here: I had a prior cardiologist named Dr. Meltzer, who was also a personal friend, a runner/triathlete, and racing companion. In 2007 he died of a heart attack. The last time I payed him a visit (I have a heart murmur), he told me my aorta was a bit dilated..just like the rest of my heart arteries, but not to worry and come back in 5 years. Yeah it would have been 5 years in 2011...So, back to the new triathlete/Dr. The first thing I talked him into, was letting me take a stress test, which I did my best to practice for, and which I passed with flying colors! All the way to 21 minutes, which took the treadmill all the way to 6 mph at 22% incline for minutes 18-21. The stage before that one was 5.5 mph at 20% incline for minutes 15-18. It was freakinPVC's (preventricular contractions) that sort of stopped all the positive reactions and ended up with me having to see an arrhythmic specialist for endurance athletes in El Paso..yes, another doctor..There were both positives and negatives associated with the stress test. On the positive, I went much further then anyone had ever seen (including non incident and athletic people). My heart looked much better in the echo, my ejection fraction has come up, and I know it will still be healing for the next 9-10 months..which means to me it will only get better on a cellular level for many more months. Racing?? Not just yet and I am very ok with that, I mean even if I don't get the chance to ever race again I still have a whole hell of a lot to be positive about! I know I am healing more and more with the passing weeks and months, I mean I remember waking up in the intensive care, looking down to the end of the bed and seeing these ugly ass RED socks. RED socks?? Can not walk socks, RED socks meant, extreme fall risk, do not get of bed, not healthy enough to get out of bed and walk on my own! From there, before I was able to go to the main floor (5 days later) I was able to walk one time around the nurses station...with a lot of help. I remember the nurse asking me, "how do you feel" I totally lied and replied "good". Holy Shit! This is what it's gonna be like from here on out, I thought, WTF!!

Now to what I can do: Perhaps the biggest and most rewarding accomplishment so far was this past Friday.. Good Friday, many months ago I set my mind to be able to run the pilgrimage route from San Miguel Church in Socorro to San Lorenzo Church in Polvedera (about 11 miles). As the day drew closer, my aspirations grew as well. In 2001, together with Steven and Jr, we ran both ways. I wanted to do it again this year, but better minds prevailed...It's sorta funny how the "old Mike" still comes out every now and again, besides how much fun would this new journey be if I was able to jump right back to where I was?? This time I plan on taking my time, enjoying the scenery, letting the experiences permeate deeper, and bringing more loved ones with me. Friday morning together with Marlene, Lindsey, and Steven, we set out for San Lorenzo, we ran the entire way. Yes, it was difficult, but then again a pilgrimage is meant to be. What kind of journey with significant moral and spiritual value would be worth undertaking without hard work, a strong belief, and beautiful people to share it all with?...sorta like a triathlon huh? Truth be told, I might be able to don my Trisports.com race suit again, but then again I might not?? Either way my only choice in the matter is to remain positive and share the love along the way....best I can. I will end by wishing everyone, Happy Easter. Whatever your beliefs are I wish you a deeper devotion, weather it be to training, chasing those personal bests, reconnecting with family/friends..whatever...Good Luck and be a hero to somebody today!